Third Time's The Charm
by MiladyGirl
Summary: Blake and Strauss end up in the E.R after being frisky. For the third time.


**A/N**

Someone, no names mentioned, expected there to be more to this… and, well… let's say it turned into a trilogy, but I think ideas are stretched thin now. LOL

I think next time they definitely will take it way easier. :P

* * *

"No, Erin. Not a chance, this one you're just gonna have to walk off," Alex Blake said. "We are not going back to the ER for another sex-related injury. It would be our fourth!"

"Three in this year. The fourth was almost 30 years ago, I think that one's statute barred by now."

"It doesn't matter, we're not going back there."

"Alex, you either take me to the ER right now or I'll have you replaced from the BAU."

"That's not fair."

"Welcome to the reality of power, agent."

"Right now, I really, really hate you."

"Hate me all you like, but drive me to the ER while you do."

"Is it really that bad?"

"It's that bad."

"Fine! Get into the car, then. _Christ_!"

* * *

"Oh my God," the doctor said. "I don't _believe_ it, it's the sex-crazed middle-aged lesbians again."

His colleague chuckled.

"Sounds like you have interesting Saturday nights here. I haven't worked in the ER for quite a while, I had forgotten how insane some cases can be."

"They're all yours, James. All yours. Fair warning; they have a thing for handcuffs."

"Can't say I'm unfamiliar with the concept," he replied, to which his colleague only responded with a groan. "I'm on it" he added with yet another chuckle and headed towards the two women. The brunette turned her head a bit and he immediately recognised her from her profile before she saw him. He spun around mid-step and walked back to the other doctor.

"Sorry Chris, you have to take them. That's my ex-wife."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Nope. I think it'd be awkward for both of us if I walked in there."

Chris sighed and took the chart from James.

"Yeah, got it."

* * *

"Oh God, it's the same doctor. Why? Is he the only doctor they have at this place?" Blake moaned.

"Right now I don't care who he is," Strauss snapped.

"Listen, it's not that difficult to take care of. It's just poison ivy."

Strauss looked like she was going to punch her lover in the face, and Blake took one step back in case she'd act on the impulse.

" _Just_ poison ivy! Just poison ivy, huh?!"

"Yeah… I mean, I've had it too, it's unpleasant but…"

"Unpleasant. Yeah. You could say that, given where it's located…!"

The doctor stepped in before Blake could return fire.

"And good evening to you again, ladies. What seems to be the problem today?"

"Poison ivy."

"Uh-huh. Where?"

Blake threw her hands up in the air and rolled her eyes.

"Where do you think, Doc?"

The doctor snickered.

"Ma'am, I have to ask."

"I swear to God, Alex," Strauss hissed between her teeth as the doctor started his examination.

"Oh, what?" Blake shot back. "I'm supposed to keep track of the entire surrounding now? Make sure you don't bump into anything? God forbid."

"May I remind you that the outdoor sex was your idea, _honey_?"

Blake muttered something that sounded suspiciously like _overly sensitive_ _snowflake_.

"Says the woman who's allergic to an entire season," Strauss said.

"Well, I don't exactly go outside and voluntarily _roll around_ in pollen," Blake said.

"I hardly rolled in the poison ivy by choice either," Strauss snapped. The doctor looked like he was silently counting to ten. About a dozen times over. Either that or he said a prayer… one for each known religion. Eventually he felt he had made peace with the higher powers he had to make peace with, and spoke:

"It is indeed poison ivy. I'll give you something to reduce the swelling and itchiness, but apart from that, the home remedies are actually quite helpful."

Blake caught Strauss's eye.

"See, I told you so."

"No. No, Alex, what you told me was, and I quote, 'we are not going back to the ER for another sex related injury'. So you'd rather have me suffering, huh?"

" _Yes, Erin!"_ Blake nearly shouted. "We sacrifice the need of the few for the need of the many, and we don't need more embarrassment now!"

"And you think you've been embarrassed enough on my behalf now, is that right?"

"Yes!"

"Fine. You can go home. No need to wait for me, if that's how you feel."

Blake suddenly realised she had crossed a line, and fell into a sulking silence.

"Not how you feel?" Strauss asked, somehow managing to sound silky-sweet although she felt like she was about to burst into painful flames.

"No," Blake admitted. "But I still think it was your own fault."

The doctor turned to her.

"I'm guessing you were there when it happened."

Blake didn't reply.

"Do you have any symptoms?" he pushed on.

"I'm fine."

"Okay. I'm only asking because I've noticed that you've been scratching your arm almost constantly."

"I'm _fine_."

"Come on Alex, let him take a look," Strauss said.

Blake held out her arm.

"That's not poison ivy," the doctor said. Blake pulled her arm back.

"See? I said I was fine," she said, aiming her statement at Strauss. It was the doctor who responded, however.

"I said it wasn't poison ivy, I didn't say you were fine. This looks like an allergic rash. It could be due to a cross-allergy. If you're sensitive to tree pollen, common cross-allergies are carrots and apples, for example. I see you have a bit of a rash around your mouth as well."

Blake looked deflated and Strauss looked smug.

"I told you that raw food diet would come back to haunt you."

"You know what, I'll write a prescription for antihistamine gel for you. At least try to avoid raw apples and carrots ahead. Also, normally this isn't information I'd pass on, but I've already seen the two of you here way too often, so I think it would be a good idea given your… exploratory interests. Skin sensitivity like that will make you more prone to developing a latex allergy. So avoid latex. Particularly in sensitive areas and on heated and sweaty skin."

Blake sighed.

"How come _I_ end up more embarrassed when _she's_ the patient?"

"Shut up, Alex. You're already dangerously close to sleeping in the doghouse tonight."

"Maybe because you're unsuccessfully trying to refute everything I say?" the doctor said, ignoring Strauss's comment. But he was smiling. "You'll both be fine," he finished. "Was there anything else?"

There wasn't. As he walked off to take care of other patients, Blake sighed.

"No latex. Do you think leather is alright?"

"We've done leather before. That works fine," Strauss said. "Hey, bug?"

"What?"

"Chin up. It could've been worse."

" _How_?"

"Well…" Strauss shrugged. "Your ex-husband could've been the resident ER physician tonight?" she suggested. Blake considered the idea and cringed.

"Perish the thought. Let's get out of here."

"Amen to that."

* * *

"Poison ivy?" James said and burst out laughing. "And I'm guessing Alex was not in a splendid mood either."

"Dermatitis. Cross-reaction to apples or carrots, most likely."

"Yeah…" James said, still chuckling. "Or latex."

"So... that's your ex-wife?" Chris said cautiously.

"Yeah. Still wanna know how I got that back injury I told you about?"

"Not anymore."


End file.
